Moving abroad and the strain on relationships

This is something that we witnessed first hand when we moved to Perth, Australia; we argued!! Now we never used to argue, but here we were picking at each other for no reason at all, and we're living our dream in a fantastic new country - so why?

We luckily had the sense to take a step back and say 'Hey what are we doing - lets stop this now!' and we did (well pretty much).

We have also seen this with other couples and families moving over here, so my advice would be to be prepared for it, and try to do what we did - stop it before it gets too much!

It was with delight that I found this excellent article that tells me that this, and therefore I am normal! Read on and remember - you're living your dream so enjoy it together.

* Leaving your support network behind
Oftentimes moving to another country means leaving behind your extended family and close friends, all those people you could call up when needed for babysitting duties, a night out on the town, or a shoulder to cry on. As a result, that network can act as a valuable pressure release valve in any relationship.
But in moving abroad there's a good chance you'll be pushed into closer intimacy - or at least proximity - with your partner, especially when you're finding your feet in the early days. You may feel more isolated, or claustrophobic. You may end up being more dependent on each other for your emotional, social and intellectual needs than you're used to. And that can lead to arguments.

* Leaving your job
Your partner may have a new job to go to when you land in your new country, but what if you're the so-called 'trailing spouse'? Will the move mean sacrificing your career, and all the sense of identity, purpose and social position that goes with it?
That can put a great strain on you both, and impact on the ultimate success of your overseas venture.

For example, KPMG's 2008 Global Assignment Policies and Practices (GAPP) survey noted that 34% of the firms that participated said dual career couples increased the chance that their employee's expatriate assignment would end in failure.

* Coping with unfamiliarity
I remember the first time I used the post office when I moved to New York. It was a completely different system to the one I was used to - and the employee I dealt with wasn't particularly sympathetic - so just sending a parcel took much longer than it ordinarily would.

And moving abroad means you'll also have to wrestle with different social security requirements, health systems, utility companies, banks, insurers, local government bureaucracies, tax regimes and a host of other activities that constitute daily life. And if you have to do it all in a foreign language as well then the process becomes that much more complicated.

Then there are the cultural differences you must adapt to - things like social etiquette, timekeeping, the food in the shops, driving behaviour...

Many of these differences form part of the excitement and joy of living abroad - but inevitably they WILL bring frustrations too.

As a result, while living in a foreign country can bring enormous fulfilment and happiness, you're also likely to get edgy and stressed, at least some of the time. And the people we tend to take it out on are our nearest and dearest. In moving abroad then it's even more important to put in the time and effort to nurture your relationships.

Paul Allen is a freelance journalist and writer who has lived in northern Spain since 2003. He is the author of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Truth About Moving Abroad And Whether It's Right For You," a comprehensive e-book guide for people seeking advice on whether or not to move abroad. For more details about the book, and to get lots of free information and advice on moving and living overseas, visit his website at http://www.expatliving101.com/

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